romance

another late night up alone. if only there was power socket at the airport, i'll be there now overnight, maybe twice more productive. but yup, while the family is asleep,i'm here trying to catch up with the lectures for the last paper of my education (i hope!)

recently i keep having some thoughts. not bad not good just.. worth thinking. thinking abt me and mr j, how compatible/not compatible we are, analysing both our flaws and strengths, and the most impt qn, whether i see myself having a future with him. i guess all of us know comparing is bad for everything, cos no couples are the same, but still, it's inevitable. sometimes i wish he was more romantic, more outspoken, more friendly with my family and friends, more outgoing, more motivated, more interesting. at times i am so grateful that he is more considerate, more good tempered, more tolerant, more honest, more funny than other guys.

i think guys and us are very different. they have time until their prime years which last very long. we dont. so most guys especially like mr j kind, wont really think deep about how suitable they are with their current gf, until a major conflict or a third party appears. girls are totally different, especially when you are like me, at our short-lived prime years and counting down to that short period of time when we are healthy enough to actually give birth. we wont want to waste time with someone we dont see ourselves ending up with. which is why we think alot, and gets emo. lol.

honestly, i dont know what's going to be like for me and mr j in the future. i like what we are now but i get worried. what if we spend another few years then realised we are not suitable at all? being in a first-time relationship really rely a lot on your instinct and it's all about taking a gamble. maybe i'll showhand at this first bet, and i either lose big or win big. or maybe, i should wait for the next.

not feeling emo or anything, just particularly.. reflective. shall head back to studies now ... while the world sleeps. :)