job hunting woes

i was like the many others who were lured to study engineering. it was said that you have a wider variety of choices when you graduate, unlike accountancy or etc. today i both appreciate and frustrate over that choice i have.

4 years of struggling with the core modules made me doubt my ability to actually deliver what an engineering student should know from her degree. which is a major factor why i do not see myself working as an engineer. especially aerospace engineer?! i'll most probably kill people on the planes i certified as safe. yes i got second class upper honours. SO? i can hardly recall what kind of drag there are on a plane, what the hack is a laplace transform and can barely use the wind tunnel or any engineering software. everything is forgotten once the exams are over. that's how much i've gained from my degree.

yet in the attempt to find a non-technical job, i find myself trying to not be me. i put on the ever-so-friendly/cheery/outspoken mask of mine, looking for a sales/tourism job. i pretend i love presentations, love talking to strangers and am full of energy. i'm actually just the typical engineer's personality: dull, boring. i cant even wear heels properly for half a day how should i even survive in a formal suit everyday in the corporate part of the business?

day after day i look for jobs, ranging across a wide spectrum. so wide, i dont even know what kind of jobs i'm looking for anymore. it's more of like i look at their degree requirement, they accept aerospace engine, i dont hate the company/job ,  ok i apply. and somehow during every interview, i realise how unsuitable i am for the job yet i need to hard-sell how suitable i am. ironic.

i do not know what kind of first job lies ahead for me. but i do know i hate this process of self-reflection and goal setting of job hunting. and once i start work, i'll hate mondays and tuesdays and everyday even more. my dream job? maybe i'm just suited to be a housewife. lol