i'm 23 already. omg that sounds pretty old. ok no, that sounds very old. haha a very simple day this year,no cakes,no celebration, just a day out to sentosa flowers with my family and the bf. appreciate that he came along though he was a little unwell :) then ended the day with a night walk around botanic gardens, not very romantic with the very dark surroundings and mozzie as companions but still, it's just the 2 of us :)
didnt manage to write a new year post at the start of this month, which i did last year. so now it will be very long reflective bday post haha.
slowly, as the final sem sets in,the responsibilities of being an adult start sinking in,and weighing on the shoulders. struggling to stay within second upper, at the same time, trying to know what i want to do upon graduation. it's not exactly a very easy task, compared to say an accountant, who normally just start off in the big 4. business students will have to decide which industry to go, so more choices = more confusion. and for engineering students, our boon becomes our bane as we are rather flexible to go anywhere we want, and that creates a whole new world of choices.. or rather, dilemmas. this crossroad is a very important one and though we are still young and wont probably stick to that first job forever, it's still our first proper taste of the real society and it's really crucial we make that informed decision. i have a few options in mind, swinging from one to the other from day to day, week to week. of course i'm just gonna spam applications first, see who wants me haha. but all these soul searching, thinking about what i foresee myself doing, what i want to do, and what i can do... can be overwhelming at times. and this is just the beginning of real adulthood :)
being 23 also means some of your friends start to get married, some others already applying flats, and being in a relationship currently makes these situations even more related to me. i'll start wondering, and friends around me start asking. it's not a bad thing, it's just that i get weird feelings about this issue. no one is perfect and me and him are no exception. being tgt until now simply means we treasure each other's good points more than the bad points. but at times, i will wonder, how long will this last? recent news that my aunt got divorced had a great impact on me bcos all these years, they were my role models, overcoming the odds of an intercontinental relationship, trying for more than 10 yrs then got their own child and now.. marriage just seem like a joke to me. i will still want to get married but i am starting to get afraid. i said i had weird feelings bcos somehow i can see myself living tgt with him, happily married. but i cant see myself actually saying yes if he were to ever propose. saying yes is such a huge decision, it's like a very huge and risky gamble. and i wanna have kids. i wanna be a good parent, but i feel he wont be. and this bothers me a lot. then also, 1 + 1 is not = 2. there are circumstances/external influences to consider e.g. concerned parents to convince.. i am a very bad liar, and being overly honest with my mother about him sometimes just makes her have a not very good impression about him. and being sandwiched is tougher than i imagined. when you are happily in love, enjoying the present, yet you do not foresee a bright future with him... what should u do? stop wasting each other's time and just give up? or close one eye and blindly follow him to the future that may not even exist? i'm not emo here, i'm just very seriously thinking about it. this is part and parcel of being in a relationship i guess, just hope i'll never regret whateva decision i make in the future :)
oh and 23 is the year i hit the peak of my weight and waistline! hahhaa, shopping for cny this yr is terrible, i've grew out of my usual jeans size, and i hate fitting rooms more than ever! slowly, these increase in fats/weight are eroding away my sef-esteem and it sucks. i become especially self-conscious in front of the bf, so much so i find myself a little paranoid haha. so in a fit of frustration, i signed up for kickboxing and yoga lessons! always wanted to join these classes in cc but i procastinated as usual. now that everything is paid for, well, no excuses to not go for them diligently! hope that 130 bucks will be well spent! :) and i also made an appointment with the national skin center, something i had wanted to do for years and years... it's about the removal of my mole. nothing is concrete at the moment and my mum is super against it, but at least i'm going for the consultation. i'll see what the doc says first and no matter what, i've tried to fulfil life-long wish :) i need to be stronger in my personality, and be truer to myself . thats the nice way of putting it la, but simply put, i need that rebellious element in my sister! haha!
ok time to go to bed, cny has ended for me, tmr back to fyp! i'm getting nowhere in my project, it's really devastating.. but i'll try to face it with optimism! :)
CHEERS TO THE NEW YEAR AND BEST WISHES TO ALL MY LOVED ONES! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment