my mood was perfect the whole day. until just now. rarrh!!! its v terrible when u have things to scold about sth u are so so so pissed about yet u cant say. rarrh!!!

lucky its only the begining of the last day of the yr. tonight will be spending with biao and jael.. counting down. so i will end 2009 with the perfect mood.. no irritating person to look at/ talk to. haha!

i used to be known by my friends for being the nice nice one.
nv angry at ppl.
oh wells no longer that way. haha.
in any sense, i think that's good.
at least i know i'm normal. lol.

i slept for 12 full hours! haha! body seems a little lethargic from sleeping too much... but mind totally awake and i'm in some best of moods! haha! well perhaps becos i dont get to see/ talk to that person. lol. but then i seem to have sort my thoughts thru another matter.. which is good!:D

went to check my results again.. but no change still. lol. well i didnt do as well as i expected for the other common modules/electives so cgpa drop quite a bit. BUT I PASSED AERODIE! OMG! i got D which is the last grade b4 i tabao! LOL so so so so lucky... the greatest gift for new yr! yup so overall okay i'm not v sad or what. just accpet the results lo. i'm going to take revenge next sem anyway.. :D

looking forward to farra dinner later.. our last b4 doraemon fly off to US. now going to try to solve my tutee's trigo identities problems.. lol its so hard la! wonder how did i manage to solve all these when i was in sec 4... then hopfully got some time for me to shop b4 the dinner. i need slippers and a organiser for 2010 of which i am v particular about cos a good and beautiful organiser can induce me to be more organised:D so i dont really mind spending more on it.

whenever i'm stressed/happy/sad/irritated/pissed/frustrated, i'll eat a lot. so for the past week i guess its more of the negative reasons that i've been snacking ALOT. and i mean A LOT! lol today i guess it's more towards the happy side :D

when women have mood swings,
there's only one reason why.
we are women.

feeling v bothered today. by what i am not really sure. today woke up late took cab to hortpark. had no appetite for lunch. after that end up window shopping alone and arcade at tampines one. maybe cos of the huge ulcer in my mouth too.. so cant really smile..lol

okay maybe i know part of the thing that's bothering me. or rather, thingS. one i really cant help it. maybe i'll feel better after saying out during our stayover. the other, oh well, not that i can really do much about it but i know where's my stand. but there seems to be other stuff.. aiya maybe just pms.

sometimes i am so pissed that i think i may just lose control and flare up. but seriously i give face to them. i dont want them to be in a awkward position. yet that doesn't mean i am accepting u. if one can accept another person as friend, its bcos we see more of the good than bad points in that person. but sorry now i dont. i cant anymore. theres a reason when the whole world is against u. and that reason probably lies in u. what i am unhappy about is not whether u are smarter richer or better than me (in anycase it might not all be true except to u), its the idea that u THINK u are so omniscient. u know everything, especially only AFTER ppl say it, and most of the times, even about stuff the world knows that u really dont know. i tolerate doesn't mean i accept/agree. i don't argue is because i care about other ppl's feelings, not because i am losing on the reasoning side. i know they seriously treat u as good friend and i have no intention to spoil the good impression they have towards u. yet sometimes i feel so hypocrite having to tolerate . strictly speaking, u are just my close friend's close friend.

i think the world out there is scary. there are so many weird and unreasonable ppl out there. or maybe i'm the weird and unreasonable one. okay there are just ppl that i really cant tolerate and i've nv felt it b4 i enter uni. ppl always say they dont like who or who.. for me, i was fine with everybody.. just whether close or not close. but now i understand what my friends meant last time. there are ppl who are destined to be friends with u and ppl who are just not so.

tonight is results. i really hope its alright. i'm going to apply for exchange first if possible.. whether i decide to go in the end is another issue all tgt. if my sis gets the overseas scholarship, me going on exchange will leave my parents here alone in s'pore. not that i think they cant take care of themselves. but they are not on v good terms like other ppl's parents. and me and my sis has been always the concrete that's holding them tgt. i wonder , no i dont dare to wonder, what might possibly happen within that 3-4months. plus, both of them are not IT-savvy. dad knows only how to go fb and play game and search for movies to watch. mum even worse. we cant really msn/webcam with them and long dist calls are freaky ex. and today diskson was telling us about the money he spending on exchange. it goes by thousands....okay nvm leave that for next time to headache over.

going for shower first b4 looking thru tutee's questions and maybe watching some shows online b4 12am. hope i'll be in a better mood tmr :)

got the impulse to do sth drastic for 2010. haha like:

1) change my whole wardrobe.. but no have so much money leh. haha
2) cut short my hair, rebond it and dye it dark purple! haha! this needs a bit of courage but i will do at least one of the 3, if not all 3! haha!
3) remove my mole. haha thats a childhood 'ambition' u see.. yes on the vainity side, but its sth i want all along but mum not so agreeable and 21 yrs old seems like a good time to make that decision.
4) this is not so much of drastic. but something i really really want to do. be conscientious in my studies next sem. really. i've seen a great decline in discipline in terms of studies and a huge increase in stress level in my past 1 and half yr in uni. and i really want to rectify that.

partially off-the-list:
5) but always on my wishlist.. that is lose weight! haha! this one... hai.. haha!

okay. i can't wait for 31st. u two will know why..

ichiban's dessert is nice! coronets are awesome :D i think i am gaining and going to continue gaining weight until schl reopens. haha so many holidays~

home alone. haha bk from project meeting. shall continue the follow-up stuff since i promised to give by tonight. sis out for bbq. mum and dad sending her there. just received jh's email. happy to see it. haha not so much of the content.. but the fact that she bothered to and even eagerly replied tells me we are more than just cca mates. good friends and family are both assets to me, so far as i haven't find my the other half, but will still be, even if i found him.

if love was like driving,
i guess i haven't got my licence.
i had made endless wrong turns,
and gone in circles ,
misread the traffic signs,
and even nearly got into an accident,
for now i shall quit
from the game of driving,
till i find the right one
just for me.

xmas's over. i have friends with a bad xmas,some with wonderful ones.. and of course the most jin bao revelation ever! haha me? had a day with family and end it off with friends. actually have a lot of feelings. all mixed. shall fill u all in seperately when the time's right.:)

i'm not exactly looking forward to next week cos there's results day. oh ya there's also a new yr ahead.. i want my new yr to be better.

chopsticks come in pairs.
but a fork is meant to be on its own.

such a lazy xmas. woke up near noon. supposed to be at sh house to do farewell cards but having dinner with my family later so don't think have time travel here and there. yet at home my mom is watching tv, dad is using house com to play games, my sis using MY com to facebook. and i have NOTHING to do!!!!!!!!!! so sian. we were supposed to be playing mahjong but then ... so sian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anw my xmas wishlist this yr:
- as usual joy health and love for all my loved ones including my family,friends and my friends' loved ones including jas's dog...
- ipod touch (which i think is coming true on my 21st bday. yeah!)
- more studious and motivated me in the next academic sem.

yup thats all for now. shall make full use of my com while sis is in shower. haha!

WHERE IS MY HOLIDAY!?!

haha ok ignore me i'm just whining.. its past midnight meaning its xmas eve! and what am i doing? EID!!!!!!! RAH! and i hate victorinox. haha it was still melodies, santa, christmas, sleighbells, snowman.. now its screwdriver, blade, scissors, saw, can/bottle opener... hai. why do we have to do eid for 1 whole yr instead of just one holiday.. or why does EID exist in the first place!?!?!?!?! today i had to cancel my xmas party becos tmr got eid sub-meeting and i havent had time to do my research.:(:(

i want to watch movies... avatar planet51 for those in cinemas now.. music&lyrics for the past movies.. and my hk serial!!! yet i think it will be schl reopen soon b4 i get to do all this. haha

i must believe i understand the nuts and bolts and screws.
i must believe i can design, within a few days, sth that ppl probably are paid extravengous salaries to come up with in top companies.
i must believe i am an engineer.

sometimes blogs become so public that there are certain things i cant say here. hai. and i've learnt that certain things in life u have to accept, certain ppl u meet u have to tolerate. becos there are many reasons relations considerations involved. esp when it's ur friends' friends then u dun want the one being sandwich to feel awkward. haha at least thats what i think becos in the past i used to be the one sandwiched. i know how it feels. lol

okay enough whining.. shall get bk to work while waiting for my sis to come bk. yes its almost 2am and she's not home.. not that its v uncommon. lol.

finally xmas song sign over! not that its so dreadful that i look forward to end of it. in fact i love it! just that its really making me super busy and not to mention how much sleep i've forfeited as a result for the past 2 weeks. i was so tired i woke up late for eid meeting today, almost board the wrong train bk home, overslept to pasir ris, and almost walk to the wrong direction escalators for n times. dots. and i was bk home for a nap, and overslept. late for tuition again. ha.

yes so now a bit more time.. though i have to come up with the v chim design for eid but at least i only use my brain and can do it in the comfort of my house where i can always take a nap when i cant take it anymore. ahha. looking forward to tmr's farra-dinner and of course zelin's bday celeberation. haha lets see how we torture him.. muahahaha!

suddenly realise 2009 is coming to an end. an eventful yr i wouldsay. haha i've seen a lot of ppl this yr in uni, in part time job, in cca etc. all kinds. good bad nice not nice. some ppl are only meant to be classmates/colleagues, others are only meant to be friends and not working partners. and maybe becos of the turning-21-soon syndrome, i've kind of become highly imagnative about the affairs of heart. haha thinking too much most of the time. its not a matter of whether i've find it. its a matter of i dont even know how to know if i've found it. lol. and that sort of led me to walking in circles and the best thing out of it is that i'm the only one walking in circles alone and when i've return to the original spot, everything stays the same. friends as friends... no awkardness. and i'm glad.

so xmas is coming and i still have quite some ppl to meet up with. after tmr's course reg, only official thing i have is eid. guess thats enough to keep me busy but not so much as to deprive me of rest and fun :D yep holidays are meant to be enjoyable. i've enjoyed it so far in the busy way.. now i want to spend the rest of it in the relaxing manner. haha

i saw u today.
realised i miss u a lot.
but purely as friends.
and i'm glad.

omg i've been so so busy. finally bk home for a night... and some me-time b4 my hair dry and i drop dead on bed.

after exams have been crazily busy but v enjoyable! lets try to trace bk until the last post...

last mon was day out with the jael dong biao. went clarke quay the boring place again but love the riverside, ice-scream, htht and of course camwhoring! you all are a very special part of my friends.. in the sense, how shld i phrase it.. i guess all of us will tend to talk about different things to different grps of friends. for 3 of ya, i'll always feel v comfortable talking about the affairs of heart to u all.. even though sometimes our perspectives can be v diff but it just feels right talking abt it. haha had a wonderful night.. then met ah bing, cx, mang and mel coincidentally at the riverside too. in the end missed the last train. haha

tues was tuition in morning, then some shopping with my mum then went swimming. fianlly some exercise. feeling really unfit. i love swimming becos the moment u go underwater, u just block out the noise and block out frustrations in ur life. i feel at ease though my googles are no longer anti-fog thus irritating me and my stamina really sucks. haha

okay then from wed onwards rsphi camp until sat. stayed at sn's hall. sun morning bk to tampines to go temple with mum and dad, then afternoon bk to ntu again for senior song sign a.k.a. sss. stayed until today and met chua and tans for dinner at hanabi!

again i talked the least, listened the most. with addition that i was really tired, i think i spoke less than 10 sentences throughout the night. haha! but then as usual i have a great time listening to stories of random people whom i'm forever trying to rmb who they are cos i know i've hear the names b4. haha for you all, although i always nv talked much, and most of the time i dont know what/who you all are talking about, but just sitting there, enjoying your laughter and randomness of it all.. makes me happy. really. i've always been surprised how come i dont feel awkward going out with u all cos we are really v different. haha

okay so tmr bk to ntu again.. until thurs when i have tuition and finally meeting haiting!! omg almost 1 yr since we last met. and after that i guess i will have sss pract again. fri is the performance day alrdy and on fri morning still got proj meeting.. sian! sat sis commissioning then sun performance again.

i'm really enjoying being busy these days but also getting v exhausted physically and mentally. haha after 20th finally some rest i hope... :D

single is freedom.

my first post after exams!!! have been v busy these 2 days.. busy playing!!! haha! was out whole day on fri and sat and collapse everynight after that.. didn't know enjoying life cna be so tiring.. lol.

ok so today is stay-home sunday cos rarely my sis is home from camp. then in the end she still go out. lol. wanted to watch video but its loading freaking slow. guess its sunday plus afternoon so a lot of ppl using ba. shall wait for tonight then watch.

tmr going out with jael they all.. tues other than tuition temp free but was thinking if can ask ting out cos its her bday! haha then will be camp all the way. so busy week ahead...

sometimes i dont know what i'm doing.
there's this line i shouldn't cross.
yet... hai nvm. its so complicated.

another paper gone. yes! ONE MORE. i can't wait for 1130 on fri. i think i'll feel like crying too. haha

okay actually nth much to tok about today. i'm blogging for the sake of ms hanny neo. haha! wait la... on friday night i think i'll splash the whole page with my post exam reflections and excitment for sat.. can't wait!

meanwhile now i'm going to shower, next watch 1/2 episodes of my drama, have a good sleep cos ystd i barely sleep 5 hours today so so tired... then tmr chiong for fluids!!!!

realise my calendar is like fully packed until christmas... let's see:

4dec: end of exams. movie with kaye and martin. dinner with aero clique.
5dec: whole day 2 sessions of ktv with my cousins and farrago respectively
6/7 dec :jael dong biao outing finally! + dental on 7th
8dec: tuition! OMG so sian.. haha
9-12 dec:RSPHI camp.. when my fingers starts to sing again...
13 dec: celebration my dad's bday
14 dec: dinner @hanabi with tans and chua FINALLY! its like i nv seen them for... more than half a yr! OMG!
18-20 dec: xmas song sign performance... come support! :D
23 dec: 4h xmas party .. though i not sure if many are going..
25 dec: jiahui's flight + 28 dec: zelin's flight... guess before that we'll have a major celebration/sabotage! haha!
then... 30dec: RESULTS.. EEYEW. nvm thats too far away le...

WOW that's a long list of events. so ppl wanna date me? book fast! haha!

v tired and v energetic today.

haha! tired cos really i am physically v tired. can feel the body sleeping while my mind and eyes are watching drama. and now my eyes are drooping... yet i'm energetic becos i'm so high aerodie is over! i was conscientiously and happily studying in schl today for math. it's just so much LESS of a torture to study math as compared to that stupid aerodie. haha but i think i really die... barely tried half of the questions? and yongki go recognises me alrdy! OMG! but nvm just hope and pray i'll pass i'll pass.. really just a pass will do.

ok now good nite world! shall wake up before noon tmr (hopefully) so can do past yr papers... i'm going to work hard for math BUT i'm going play hard too! haha! tmr shall search for new drama to follow! GXJ over and i hate the ending... cos the female lead end up with the actor i dislike. although they are a couple in reality anyway.. lol

see so many exclaimation markss! haha! HIGH LIAO LO!