feeling v bothered today. by what i am not really sure. today woke up late took cab to hortpark. had no appetite for lunch. after that end up window shopping alone and arcade at tampines one. maybe cos of the huge ulcer in my mouth too.. so cant really smile..lol

okay maybe i know part of the thing that's bothering me. or rather, thingS. one i really cant help it. maybe i'll feel better after saying out during our stayover. the other, oh well, not that i can really do much about it but i know where's my stand. but there seems to be other stuff.. aiya maybe just pms.

sometimes i am so pissed that i think i may just lose control and flare up. but seriously i give face to them. i dont want them to be in a awkward position. yet that doesn't mean i am accepting u. if one can accept another person as friend, its bcos we see more of the good than bad points in that person. but sorry now i dont. i cant anymore. theres a reason when the whole world is against u. and that reason probably lies in u. what i am unhappy about is not whether u are smarter richer or better than me (in anycase it might not all be true except to u), its the idea that u THINK u are so omniscient. u know everything, especially only AFTER ppl say it, and most of the times, even about stuff the world knows that u really dont know. i tolerate doesn't mean i accept/agree. i don't argue is because i care about other ppl's feelings, not because i am losing on the reasoning side. i know they seriously treat u as good friend and i have no intention to spoil the good impression they have towards u. yet sometimes i feel so hypocrite having to tolerate . strictly speaking, u are just my close friend's close friend.

i think the world out there is scary. there are so many weird and unreasonable ppl out there. or maybe i'm the weird and unreasonable one. okay there are just ppl that i really cant tolerate and i've nv felt it b4 i enter uni. ppl always say they dont like who or who.. for me, i was fine with everybody.. just whether close or not close. but now i understand what my friends meant last time. there are ppl who are destined to be friends with u and ppl who are just not so.

tonight is results. i really hope its alright. i'm going to apply for exchange first if possible.. whether i decide to go in the end is another issue all tgt. if my sis gets the overseas scholarship, me going on exchange will leave my parents here alone in s'pore. not that i think they cant take care of themselves. but they are not on v good terms like other ppl's parents. and me and my sis has been always the concrete that's holding them tgt. i wonder , no i dont dare to wonder, what might possibly happen within that 3-4months. plus, both of them are not IT-savvy. dad knows only how to go fb and play game and search for movies to watch. mum even worse. we cant really msn/webcam with them and long dist calls are freaky ex. and today diskson was telling us about the money he spending on exchange. it goes by thousands....okay nvm leave that for next time to headache over.

going for shower first b4 looking thru tutee's questions and maybe watching some shows online b4 12am. hope i'll be in a better mood tmr :)