MOOD SWINGS

if u read my blog carefully, it seems to alternate between happy and unhappy posts. and i dont know why. :( thought 2010 new start but still the same. if i'm busy out with my friends or doing cca stuff i feel really good. but then whenever i'm at home but not sleeping or watching shows online, or just simply when i am alone, i will start to feel empty and sad. depression?!?! i dont know but i've always suspected all along.. just that whenever i'm out having fun meeting up with peeps then i'll forget all the unhappiness. sometimes i wish its just pms but who get's pms every alternate day???

and eid totally doesn't help to get me feel any better.or rather it just makes things worse. i'm supposed to think of new designs for the tools and mechanism.. but these kind of things dont just come when u want. it needs INSPIRATION! and i simply dont have it these few days. tmr morning early at bishan i have garang guni and tmr night i have dinner. so that leaves me with only tonight and tmr night to think about it b4 monday's meeting. how i wish i can just sleep and not think about it. responsibility is the only thing that is still pushing me on. i can't do what i've done to my aerodie CA to my eid grp. and it's also the only thing that pushes me till 3/4am to rush out the design proposal. i'm really afraid one day i'll just shut off and heck care about the whole stupid eid thing. not that i care about that disgussting 2AU but i know i cant do that to my grp.

somehow from somewhere some unknown stress is just filling me up. and when that happens i just want to eat. and eat. i was still so full from my dinner just now yet i just had to eat that piece of bread . not my stomach , its my brain that commands me to do so. i think the number on my weighing scale grows in proportion to my stress level...

rarrh. i seriously need to think of sth b4 mon. :(