new skin for a new me! haha

from ystd till now... lots of thoughts running thru me. random yet continuous thoughts... relationships, family, why some ppl are like that, studies.. everything. my mind is so occupied. i want to write it out all that i've been thinking but i dont know where to start. haha

but now the top priority is to get organised. my desk is full of rubbish,art and craft leftovers, notes from dont know where, piles of unfiled,undone and unknown tutorials... i need to get everything in place b4 i can really start mugging. now no more super nanny no more cca, there's really no excuse for me to neglect my studies anymore.

i want to study hard. deep down inside me, i want.but i'm not sure if i can do it. hmph.

thot of meeting up chua/tans and jael dong biao... before the exams. cos havent seen them for so so so long. but everyone's busy.guess we have to meet after exams... and that will be like half a yr since our last meet-up.. haha

i can't think of such things now.

finally finished chloe's scrapbook album. haha really quite nice and i'm glad everyone's happy looking at it... 3 yrs later maybe she'll still rmb me as the jie jie who gave her the album. haha

after little chloe is bk home tmr, i'll be much free-er.. need to concentrate on studies alrdy.. exams is less than 1 month away. so scary. and i have a total of 7 papers to take... both electives NOT S/u-ing.. and there is this promise i made to myself.. i must score better than last sem.. hopefully can pull my cgpa bk to first class... kind of ambitious but yes i am determined to go for exchange.. one: to s/u the v chim cores in yr 3... two: if i go europe, i can see chloe! :D so for the next few weeks even if i were to sleep real little, i'll make sure i focus... focus focus.

now i shld go sleep cos tmr got presentation in morning. dun want to buang it. and i guess i'll feel kinda sad tmr at the airport. haha

maybe... but really? shall not think of unnecessary issues now.

woah having sunburns on shoulders and body ache all over ... haha ystd must have played too much at wildwild wet. skipped cca ystd lol. seems like i missed out some jin4 bao4 stuff... haha but i dont really mind... shall ta3 ting1 from the 'farragone' ppl ... haha! was having a great time with little chloe at WWW... eh no no... not only with chloe.. with my whole family!

my aunt swam for the very first time in her life...under the guidance and assurance of a life vest and many of us standing by her side... haha and my aunts and my mum actually sat in one of the rides!!! haha! i mean if u know my mum by person.. she'll nv play with us in such stufff.. haha we stayed from 10am to 5pm there... all of us tired and hungry but v happy. of course the happiest is chloe and her mum (cos sh had so many nannies to look after chloe she had time to play the rides :D ) at the end of the day, all of us concluded that if chloe wasn't there, we wouldn't have so much fun.. the older generation would have just stayed by the side looking after oour bags... we the youung but not so young would have just taken that few rides... (WWW dont really have a lot of rides tochoose from) and went home v early. but bcos chloe was there, we spent most of the time with her at the children playground... i think we had at least 10 times at each slide... haha

now i am supposed to do my homework according to my mum... so that we'll go my grandma house to play with chloe at ard 3pm. i say OK but actually i only plan to pract my tech com speech... haha tutorials? who cares? at least now the most impt thing on my mind is to start on the photo scrapbook i making for chloe... she has brought us magic, love and precious family bonding these few weeks... i just want her to have a nice album with all the beautiful memories as she goes bk to the other side of the world....

guess after next thurs i'll be much free-er to study for french test and do my tuts and of course prepare my exams... becos no cca + no chloe... less busy but less happy too.. haha

ok just had my shower. going to continue with circuits after blogging. maybe strictly speaking not continue, but rather, start with my revision. no one knows how much i dont know about circuits.. i mean seriously. although all of us are struggling with the module tgt. like today when geek ask me about this qn in tut 7 i had absolutely ZERO idea about what she's asking me.and when they were discussing the answer, i tried v hard really v hard to listen. but i could understood none of it. but i'm not at all surprised. haha kinda of expected it but NO, I'M NOT GIVING UP (yet)... i will make sure i know as much as i can b4 the test. mug hard jingru!

talking about mugging, coffee has always been my fav partner in my nouctural studying lifestyle. yet i'm starting to suspect i'm caffeine intolerant. at first i thot was tiny bit of stomach flu still left behind. then i avoided all kinds of milk products including one of nicest food in school a.k.a. laska @ the quad, milo, coffee, even soya bean. then i realise milo doesn't have any effect on me. and out of the past 5 times i drank coffee (no matter what kind of coffee), i had stomach upset. haha. like today, one regular-sized white choc latte from coffee bean has given me 3 awful toilet trips alrdy. lol. shall observe some time more b4 i really decide to give up on my mugging companion.

and mugging ... had a long weekend but did nth but spend time with chloe.. haha even when i time, i'll browse fb of her photos, think of what present to give her when she leaves next thurs, where i can buy her fav sausages and sweets. even my dad who's normally exhuasted after work eagerly offered to drive little chloe bk to my grandma house in the evening but she alrdy went back. haha actually she always thank us for bringing her to zoo, buy sweets for her but actually i feel that we should thank her. for bonding us tgt.

since dont know 7 or 8 yrs ago, my no. of cousins has sort of decreased from 8 ( thats excluding chloe cos she wasn't born then haha) to the present 5 (including her). we drifted apart from 2 of my cousins and subsequently lost contact with them as my 2nd uncle passed away. then when my 3rd uncle had a stroke and his wife divorced him, again i lost contact with 2 of my other cousins. we nv even meet up during cny. havent seen them for so long. then my 2 eldest cousins we see each other maybe once or twice a yr? and little chloe is so far in luxembourg, that leaves with only me, my sis and 2 other cousins who often visit my grandma. but the arrival of chloe this few weeks, we have family gatherings every weekend. my grandma's house is even livelier than during cny. of course regretably, my that 4 cousins are still not in contact with us.. if not, even better. yet i've seen my grandma smiled the happiest these few days, my family in the best of mood ever at the every mention of the little princess. i'm so glad she here. really.

now i am alrdy making planning for the last week b4 she's leaving s'pore. i'm going to ps this wed after circuit test is over to buy scrapbooking materials to make presnt for her. then i'm even considering to skip or go late for my cca on sat so that i can go wild wild wet with her. and next thurs i'll be leaving my sign lang class halfway early to cab to airport to send her off. haha busy busy schedule yet very very very excited and happy!

today my aero clique was saying i like pedophile cos my desktop is full of her pics. haha. dont know why but now i see every kid on the street in the shopping centres, just find them so not cute... haha!

can predict my next few posts all about chloe chloe chloe... lol:D

woah. a day at the zoo! super tired now. esp my thighs. guess from walking a lot and squatting down often to tok to the little princess in her pram:D this is the kind of life that everyone may be very tired but totally enjoy... 8 adults accompany my little cousin today to the zoo where she had a great time looking at the animals but we had a great time looking after her!

maybe cos all my cousins are grown up alrdy, so very long no kids ard in my family. plus little chloe came all the way from luxembourg... everyone is treating her like the star, the little princess.. someone whom all of us willingly loved with all that we can.. i mean she's really so lovable. let me tell u why:

1) at first she has communication barriers with us cos she speaks in her gibberish french which only my aunt can decipher. yet she is nv upset over the fact that we nv understood what she was trying to say.she'll patiently repeat and repeat until we get the translation from her mum then she'll smile!
2) over the week, she has learnt so fast... from speaking only "mama" , "jie jie" in chinese to everything! she realise she should speak chinese to us so now when she cannot see the animals, she wants more sweet, she is hungry, the food is nice etc she will tell us in chinese with perfect pronouciation. and she learns really fast! repeat one sentence twice and she'll get it:D
3) like any other kid, she'll want new toys whenever she sees sth interesting. but when we dont buy for her, the most she'll pout for 2 min then very guai listen to us. and just show her photos of her or give her one sweet she'll smile all over again!
4) if she bumps into us accidentally, she will say sorry and kiss us to sayang us! so sweet rite!
5) she'll always share sweets with us... share toys with us...
6) her smile... so so so charming, ur heart will melt. i am serious. maybe plus her veyr cute dimples and her mixed-blood beauty... so so mesmerising!

okay i can go on and on... haha! now all of our fb, msn dp, hp wallpaper... all her photos! haha and 4 cameras always ready to shoot her like parapazzi... haha

have been slightly free-er with the bulk of cca and tests gone... but my weekends are filled with little chloe.. haha now also no time to study circuits.. but even if i were to fail circuits bcos spent my studying time with her, i'm more than willing! :D

i'm in love! with little chloe! :D

for every decision u make, u have to bear the consequences.
for every promise u make, u have to be sure to deliver it.

i guess thats what i live by. but sometimes i guess being too responsible is a burden. and in the end i'll choose to blame no one but myself, for being stupid enough to take up that responsibility in the first place. no, not about that eid outline. its about everything i do. and i can get so irritated with myself for being myself. haha ironic huh. like i reached home at 1130pm today and now is 130am. 2 hours i've done: order the printing of banners for astro, did up my tech com slides, draft up my idea for that eid $6 assignment, check contacts of a guy in SAO that i must find tmr. yup thats all. nothing about tuts or my circuits test. i mean, i very voluntarily and naturally will settle everything else first, then go to my own books and stuff. n i hate that. yet i cant focus on studying when there some cca or project things hanging there not done. ok nvm i'm just harping on that same point that i do not like what i am doing and i cant help it. full stop.

jas was saying i looked pissed today. haha maybe cos i too quiet. yes i am pissed, but certainly not with anyone, but with myself. haha i need better time management skills. and now when i am just about to start a bit on my circuits revision, the cough and flu med is taking effect. zzzzzzzzz....

woah. finally some time for blogging. shall spend the last few min b4 my med knocks me out to vent some views.. haha

just finish eid draft outline. we had meeting today, decided on the product and everyone had so many constructive ideas and comments to add on.. then when the question comes, who do the outline? everyone kept quiet. some of us are busy la like wen hao he has 3 proposals to rush out... but others leh? even when yewei sort of appointed 2 other ppl to be in charge there wasn't a positive reply. come on, everyone is busy have tests tutorials needs sleep etc etc. helping out once for ur group wouldn't die. thats the reason why i in the end volunteer.definitely NOT bcos i think i was the free-est among them. jas was saying i self-torture myself. haha but i just cant stand it to see the whole meeting drag on to no conclusion. sometimes guys are more wishy washy than gals. look at my tech com group. Efficient and effective! why can't it be the same?haiz...

and i did quite a major decision ystd. major maybe only to me la. i decided NOT to continue RSPHI mycca nxt yr. seriously i had thought of continuing all the way till i graduate like how some of my seniors did. u really do not know how this cca has affected me.in the good way of course.last time i was just like the majority of my peers, want to do volunteer work occasionally yet sometimes when ppl say aiya u so good-hearted ah, there will be this sub-conscious slight embarrassment.. like afraid ppl may be thinking u faking it or trying too hard. haha but now i am nv shy to share my experience, proud to share my knowledge about the deaf, dare to speak up and eager to clear misconceptions ppl have about the hearing impaired. and the joy of helping someone.... undescribable. i have nv enjoyed a cca so much. last time was just come take attendance do what i am suppose to finish then go home. on the other hand, i have nv been so busy in my life b4. rsphi = 10AUs. haha seriously. and i am not even in the main comm.

so back to why i decided not to continue... i must have realise thru the hard way this sem how difficult it is to catch up with ur studies while being so busy. so far i think i've done ok for my CAs thankfully, but not bcos i'm gifted genius (like geek and sick always joke haha) or neither did i pay attention to what the lecturer says... but i sacrifice really a lot of my personal and sleep time (and unevitably my health) to mug. really mug. cos the normal free time i have is filled up with cca cca tuition tuiiton cca cca. i enjoy doing them but definitely do not enjoy the consequence (i.e. lack of time ). u cant have best of both worlds, and i have chose gpa over cca. haha what a freak decision. yes. haha but i hope i wont regret it.

ok time for sleep. so glad tmr decide to pon schl. getting out of ur cosy bed in the wee hours with a heavy head and stuffy nose is the worst way to start off a long day. haha and i'm really excited to be able to sleep in tmr!! good nite!

haha nv thot i'll admit this kind of thing but ya i'm kind of envious (ok maybe jealous) about couples... about others having a nice warm hand to hold when u're cold, strong arm to hook ard with a sense of security and maybe a firm shoulder to rest my head on insteadof lousy LT tables. haha! but well, not as if wish then have. lol.

oh that was random. nvm! think aeroDIE got the screws out of my head.

irritated. with my mum who keeps nagging nagging just bcos i didnt hear sth she said about this sat family gathering. then here comes the theory i plcae friends and cca over family and etc.. AS IF i didnt want to spend time with them. AS IF i had a lot of time to spare to choose. I DONT HAVE! i had 3 days occupied by cca reluctantly without time for me to even sleep then one whole day of projects then endless tuition session. i dont even have time to study. and it took me 3 months to find half an hour to go fora hair cut.

and i am so irritated with myself. keep wanting to sleep sleep sleep. even with my notes open in front of me and i still stone. nth is going in. HELP. i have 3 quiz next week of which i only covered less than a third of the total amount i need to and that exclude anything for aerody which is on MONDAY. aeroDIE.

RARARARARHHHHHHHHHHH!