thoughts overflow

I'm finally blogging again! haha! because office cannot access blogger
and COR camp prep all the way has rendered me too busy to blog at
home.. now COR is over and i am back to this private space to release
all my overflowing random thoughts.. if not i think i'll drown myself
in them. LOL

---end of COR'11 journey---
i rmb at the start i was really hesitant about joining cos fear of
commitments and workload affecting my studies. then along the way,
perhaps becos i was just a subcommer, didnt feel any sense of
belonging to the comm, was just like doing my task whenever i am
assigned. But nearer to the camp and especially during the camp, i saw
what we have been planning for. the camp was truly inspiring to me,
beyond words can describe. and that is an understatement.hearing what
heartfelt gradtude the hearing imparied participants have towards us
for organising this camp and how impactful COR has been year after
year for them.. i suddenly know my three yrs relationship w sign
language and volunteering with the deaf has been such a worthy cause.
The COR'12 chairperson rally was to my surprise, very heated and
angsty and i was shone light into all the issues and unhappiness
throughout the comm in this whole year. Honestly i felt really glad i
am in PNP, the only portfolio i guess who is really independent by
ourselves and because of our expertise in PNP compared to the other
comm members, we have the largest say in our work, be it banner, video
etc.and this ultimately translate to the least conflict and i feel
really lucky abt that. This journey has come to an end as i have
decided not to continue in COR'12 due to various circumstances and
reasons, but i promised myself i wont stop making friends with the HI
and helping out both COR and RSPHI whenever i can. Sign language is
perhaps the most important thing i learnt in the whole of my uni life
(the engineering stuff are all crap compared to it) and i shall make
sure i continue to use this skill :)

---matters of the heart---
been long since i updated abt my r/s as u all are always most
concerned abt :) no big waves so far, just many ripples along the
way.. mostly these ripples are just thoughts on my side and i never
really raised them to him unless necessary. Because i am always
over-thinking, thinking too much too far into things, i tend to worry
and get emo. haha dont worry not the major emo kind, but just maybe
for a day, after which i'll just get over it. Things like fearing I'll
get too fat and he wont like me anymore, getting jealous over a new
female intern at his workplace then yet dont dare to telll him fearing
that i am just being too paranoid and unreasonable, etc etc. all these
fears just reminds me how impt he has become to me and i am both glad
and scared of my growing reliance on this r/s. hmm well i'll try not
to think too much for my own happiness sake, haha. hopefully soon i
can start counting in years instead of how many months :)

---no longer a teen---
somehow in the office i still feel v student-ly, like a kid who is
still much younger than the perm staff. but honestly, they are just a
few yrs older than me and veyr soon next yr i will start working like
a dog for the rest of my life. and i even have a friend getting
married next yr already. haha. face it, we are no longer the protected
sheltered child/student who can always depend on our parents. and i
just realised how many things we need to learn to settle ourselves.
knowing what we want as a carreer and securing a job, knowing how much
we need to save up for everything from houses to marriage to kids to
parents allowance, hopefully learn how to invest instead of stoning
the money in banks, going for body checks and taking care of our
health, reading up on insurance and knowing what policies to get or
not to get. and there are many more things.. sometimes i will still
slump back into the psuedo-reality that there is still time to slowly
learn all these things, other times i will just wake up and be slapped
back to reality to HEY GROW UP. one more year in school for me, and
hopefully by then, i am ready for all this new responsibilities :)

alrights thats all for now! 4 more working days for me.. WOOHOO!