slice

in "slice" (a song by five for fighting): "we are more than just a slice of american pie.." .... to me, we are all actually just a slice of somebody's life... and for more than one person's.. similarly, many of our friends, family form different slices of our life.

and i believe now that some slices are meant to be small, others bigger, and each slice have their particular roles to play in your life. some may grow smaller, maybe small until it just disappear out of ur life... or some may grow bigger, so big it makes u forget about the other slices or want this slice of ur life to take on another additional role in ur life. but the truth is most of the time, they are just meant to be what they started out as.

there's too much guessing. and waiting. it's like hide and seek. or maybe just hide. not even seek. sometimes u believe the catcher will finally find u in ur hiding place, but it turns out he/she may not be even looking for u. yet u still rather stay in that hiding place, hold on to ur belief , looking forward to that miracle. humans, by nature, are delusional.

been working for a while now... and even if my colleagues knock off right on time, they still have to spend their time at home reading and replying emails. all along we have been working as temps only. our repsonsibilities stop when we knock off. nothing more. and there is an end date, when we leave the job and go bk to our holidays or school. now it's really scary to think that in 2 yrs time, we 'll join in the working society. no strictly knock off hours. and there is no end except when u retire when u are already freaking old and haggard by the stress and responsibilities endured over the years. and if u have a family, there's still time for ur kids to juggle. it's kind of really impt to find sth u like doing... cos i dont want to work for the sake of earning a living  only...

feel rather unwell these few days. had v bad stomache ystd and today. random chills at times. and my gums are awfully painful. sometimes i feel like going for a thorough medical check up.. cos i think i am at high risk of diseases like high cholesterol, cancer (becos of heredity)... and who-knows-what. esp my digestive system which always gives me prob.i also have frequent giddy spells and bad headaches since young... haha sounds scary ah? maybe it's time for the truth. lol

been losing my temper a lot recently towards my mum. not so much of the content that we talked about, but within 2/3 sentences, i tend to raise my voice and start yelling. really loudly (sometimes when we are in kitchen, i'm sure my neighbours can hear). and worst still, it's for no good reason. when i calm down and think back, i dont even know why there was a need to yell. i dont like this me. i'm not supposed to be that short tempered. yet i cant control my emotions. i'm fine with other ppl. it's just my mum but it's not her fault. and when i'm yelling i totally think i'm correct, but when everything is over, i dont know how to apologise.

okay less solemn stuff. haha still dont know what to wear to jael's party on sat. tmr last chance to go find. today planned to shop but got stomache.  happy that i get to work 2 more weeks , meaning 500 bucks more! :) this sun meeting the ryerson ppl. hope we can settle some stuff. esp the air tickets. canada is nearing...i can feel the anxiety and excitment alrdy! haha

ok now my head, gum, sotmach is torturing me tgt. rah. shall have an early early night. good night world!