THEY ARE HERE

yes they are coming.... EXAMS! didnt want to emo on my blog again but still.. lol

usual routines are starting, starring:

1) binging on food. yes every exam is accompanied by a 2kg increase in weight and if it is true again this time round, i will hit 60kg. DIE. but w/o food i dont know how else to destress and calm myself and focus.
2) nightmares about results, exams, disasters worst case scenarios etc.
3) less sleep bcos i cant study in the day. i should have been born an owl. better hunting at night
4) frustrations and irritations and mood swings and break-downs (so far not yet.i hope this time no more)

now whenever i hear ppl complaining about grades or about lack of time to study, i just feel really uneasy. like ready to puke or sth. not physically but the feeling is there. it's really not their fault, i mean its quite normal for ppl to do that especially in this for-goodnessly-competitive course i unfortunately land myself in. it's my problem. and hai.. i really dont know what to do. told some of my friends. they think it's just some attitude problem or i'm just whining. told my mum cos she kept asking me why i never touch any notes at home for the past 2 months. told her i had phobia of studying. she thinks it's an excuse, i'm lazy or i just dont like to study (like any normal student). but i really AM afraid to look at my notes. for the past 2 months, i've nv spent more than 15 mins straight reading/doing/studying any piece of work. apparently i dont think what is happening to me is what my friends/mum think it is. yet i dont really know what is. need some enlightment.

i still spent my night reading notes. the difference: it used to be 5/6 hours at once. now i'll give up and head to bed within half and hour.

i still left 2 weeks to exams. the difference: i would be chionging like mad doing last min work last time. now i'm just looking at time pass by such as what i'm doing right now. blogging and stoning.