THINK TOO MUCH

yes i've always known i'm someone who thinks too much. but not that i cant control though. haha. thinking too much has many consequences, such as:

1) making myself stressed up
2) making myself unhappy
3) overanalyse a problem (or maybe it isn't even a problem in the first place)
4) misunderstant stuff
5) too perfectionistic

and all of these effects are of course not exactly very good.. haha

take example the party i went to ystd. before that, i was nervous and hesitant about going.. cos i dont know most of her friends and had to wear dress and make up and heels and i was afraid i may underdress for the occasion or venue. as the way i am, meeting with strangers and making new friends is not exactly a very comfortable process for me. yet i think i rather enjoy myself ystd. not that i talked much, or did much but i guessed i was really happy because i know sally the bday gal relaly enjoyed herself. and thats what really matters rite? and all the worrying and stressing up felt really stupid now looking back... haha!

ok more about the party.. very princess like.. all pink, bling, white... and i mean ALL.. venue decoration, all the guests' attire, the bday cake, door gifts, guest book, and EVEN the food! haha! like... fruit punch got red/orange one mah.. hers was pink.. then the dessert the jelly also purposely dyed pink.. haha! very not my kind but its not my party anyway.. haha and the cake looked like a wedding cake with pink and white icing and her bf taking photos with her beside it. lol. her law friendswere over represented and we had one pathetic table of 5 OLD friends from her sec / jc school days while the rest of ard 30 are her law friends. i was really touched (yes i nearly CRIED.. lucky nv flow out of my eyes if not embarrassing.. haha!) when she was giving her thank u speeches to her family and friends. then there was photo taking ceremony, one group by one group with the cake and the bday princess.. really like a press conference can... oh ya! she got a tiny tiara and a pink sash saying bday princess.. SO SALLY! lol. i guess what carmen said was rite ... its interesting to see what ppl do for their bday party becos it really reflects who they are.. it doesn't matter if the guests dont really like pink n bling.. its her party and we, all who loved her, are really happy cos she is really v happy. i dont think she really minds even when she's limping ard with blisters fromwalking ard whole day in that SUPER HIGH KILLER HEELS. haha! yup and we went off early cos we didn't wanted to join in the drinking party. somehow after ystd, i felt a tiny regret of not organising a party for mine. haha just that tiny bit of regret, afterall, i had great time with all the celebrations!

back to that topic of thinking too much.. i guess it applies to me for all aspects of my life. haha like previously i got really stressed up over my tutorials becos i cant do them and i knew i had to do them and i was SUPPOSED to understand them (becos"jingru is smart" says the rest of the world. lol) and al my other friends could do it so why can't i? and sometimes stress doesn't translate to motivation for me. taking things in my stride and at my own pace.. i think i can breathe better, think better and maybe do better.

and for relationships..i guess ya i do think a lot. i rmb i had a journal entry for my sec 4 english journal (i dont know what came over me to actually write this to my teacher) that i mention its so difficult to find the right one for me becos i want him to be my best friend yet if he was my best friend i wouldn't dare to risk our friendship (if we break up) over love. lol. thats one concrete evidence that i think too much. and also, previously that incident, i read too much into someone's actions and nearly led to something undesirable. so now, i've really learnt to let nature take its course.

maybe it's the age. ystd's party just reminded me yes i am 21 alrdy too. haha. the kind of things and the way u think of are slightly different. and i hope its the correct way to go.

cny coming.. new yr resolution? determined to be a happier me! :D note: key word is 'happier'.which means i AM alrdy quite happy. haha i wonder when will my mum stop thinking i need a psychatrist. lol i think in her dictionary there no such thing as STONING.. or staring into space. because whenever i do that, she'll think i'm wallowing in depression. haha!