Sunday, March 29, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
still awake at 2 am now. need to mug. i am trying to mug. and guess i am not the only one given so many ppl on msn...
feeling rather.. wrong. upset. uneasy. unsure. because of?
because my dear friend is very upset recently and i wasn't there for her cos i didn't know. now that i know yet i can't do anything. relationships are a complicated matter. sometimes only the person involved will really know how deep that wound is. and it will hurt i guess, no matter how outsiders try to say/comfort/advise. pls recover soon:)
because i am so desperately in search for that studious me but still it lingers for only a while before its gone soon. time is pushing and my mind is somewhere else. i can't focus! at some point in time, just feel like.. grrrr!
because of you. u suddenly pop up. from dunoe where. invaded my dreams. occupied my thoughts. yet i dun know anything about u. or about myself.
because i am really too heavy now. i am only half a step away from 60kg. it's not obvious to some bcos i am wearing baggy shirts... but thats exactly why i wear my huge cca tees 5 days a week. the bulging tummy is not the usual "slightly overweight" symptom. its really getting serious. if i were still in jc, i would have been in the taf club. i dun want to feel upset over my weight but i can't. everyday whenever i shower, i get this disgust at myself. whenever i sit down and have to adjust my t-shirt from the lump of fat at the tummy, i just feel so irritated. its overshadowing me. the inferiority i get from it is totally engulfing the pathetic bit of self-confidence i have in myself in the first place. the worse thing of all: i get stressed i eat and i get stressed again and i eat. a viscous cycle like an evil curse.
because i think i was being a bit too insenstive to a friend. and he is angry. i'm so sorry. :(
music doesn't calm me down. but at least it leaves me in a world of my own.
feeling rather.. wrong. upset. uneasy. unsure. because of?
because my dear friend is very upset recently and i wasn't there for her cos i didn't know. now that i know yet i can't do anything. relationships are a complicated matter. sometimes only the person involved will really know how deep that wound is. and it will hurt i guess, no matter how outsiders try to say/comfort/advise. pls recover soon:)
because i am so desperately in search for that studious me but still it lingers for only a while before its gone soon. time is pushing and my mind is somewhere else. i can't focus! at some point in time, just feel like.. grrrr!
because of you. u suddenly pop up. from dunoe where. invaded my dreams. occupied my thoughts. yet i dun know anything about u. or about myself.
because i am really too heavy now. i am only half a step away from 60kg. it's not obvious to some bcos i am wearing baggy shirts... but thats exactly why i wear my huge cca tees 5 days a week. the bulging tummy is not the usual "slightly overweight" symptom. its really getting serious. if i were still in jc, i would have been in the taf club. i dun want to feel upset over my weight but i can't. everyday whenever i shower, i get this disgust at myself. whenever i sit down and have to adjust my t-shirt from the lump of fat at the tummy, i just feel so irritated. its overshadowing me. the inferiority i get from it is totally engulfing the pathetic bit of self-confidence i have in myself in the first place. the worse thing of all: i get stressed i eat and i get stressed again and i eat. a viscous cycle like an evil curse.
because i think i was being a bit too insenstive to a friend. and he is angry. i'm so sorry. :(
music doesn't calm me down. but at least it leaves me in a world of my own.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
i am getting fatter. symptoms include tighter pants, protruding tummy and of course, a bigger number on the weighing scale. but dun really feel like curbing on my diet. cos the thought of having to mug really hard really soon, just feel like taking my mind off other things. so i guess a more obvious double chin in the month to come :)
rubiks cube is fun. it stimulates thinking, kills time and gives u sense of satisfication when u are done. :)
3 more weeks to end of hall life. i dun exactly know if i will miss it. and i also dun know if i will prefer home. but since i only have a pathetic 12 points, dun think i'll get hall (that's if i apply). i just hope that i can get a good timetable next sem:)
so happy that i did my physic during my math lect. bcos listening to the math lect means wasting my time cos i was alrdy lost 2 lectures ago... might as well make good use of time rite. nope, i am not giving up on math. i'll catch up soon, i promise:D
looking forward to the overnight revisions at airport.. by myself without distractions from talking to my friends, with my fav music plugged in, air-con, no crowds, very clean toilets, a delicious cup of double choc frappe, the occasional curious glances from airport passengers... and the best of all: catching the morning bus home feeling satisfied with my own hard work:) the noucturnal cycle does make me rather tired, but i dun seem to mind:)
i have accepted that exams are part and parcel of our life. so i shall make the best of it i guess. haha
fly me to the moon :)
rubiks cube is fun. it stimulates thinking, kills time and gives u sense of satisfication when u are done. :)
3 more weeks to end of hall life. i dun exactly know if i will miss it. and i also dun know if i will prefer home. but since i only have a pathetic 12 points, dun think i'll get hall (that's if i apply). i just hope that i can get a good timetable next sem:)
so happy that i did my physic during my math lect. bcos listening to the math lect means wasting my time cos i was alrdy lost 2 lectures ago... might as well make good use of time rite. nope, i am not giving up on math. i'll catch up soon, i promise:D
looking forward to the overnight revisions at airport.. by myself without distractions from talking to my friends, with my fav music plugged in, air-con, no crowds, very clean toilets, a delicious cup of double choc frappe, the occasional curious glances from airport passengers... and the best of all: catching the morning bus home feeling satisfied with my own hard work:) the noucturnal cycle does make me rather tired, but i dun seem to mind:)
i have accepted that exams are part and parcel of our life. so i shall make the best of it i guess. haha
fly me to the moon :)
Sunday, March 15, 2009
weather these few days have been crazy. either pouring or scorching. makes ppl falls sick easily. alrdy got a flu but feeling better after medicine. Haven't been sleeping much over the weekend (part of the reason why i fall sick i guess) and i am rather proud of myself:) shouldn't sleep so much cos exams are really near. though i didn't touch on revision (i initially planned) but completed my assignment and did report research:) oh and i learnt how to solve the rubiks cube! haha random i know.
went shopping alone at vivo cos my ca ended early and i have 1.5 hours before meeting ray ken and sam for movie. shopping alone is rather nice. u can enter any shops u like and avoid those with huge crowds, big sales or simply sells stuff that doesn't really interest u ( u cant do that when u shop in groups) . watch 'watchmen'. well not my kind of movie.a bit too gory no wonder its M18. and its rather philosophical.. the kind not for cinema but more for watching at home for a few times on DVD.
exams are near. i can feel myself getting ready into the revision mood. but i cant just think/feel. i need to do in action too. shall start as soon as i get the aero report done. i promise.
school days are as usual. lecturers are boring me, tutorials are puzzling me and i am sick of food in ntu. looking forward to the 3 month break. i don't know what i will be doing then but well, anything beats looking at notes and doing homework for 10 straight weeks.
haven't been thinking/missing recently.
i guess it's creeping away.
and i am surprised i am actually glad :)
women can survive without love. :D
went shopping alone at vivo cos my ca ended early and i have 1.5 hours before meeting ray ken and sam for movie. shopping alone is rather nice. u can enter any shops u like and avoid those with huge crowds, big sales or simply sells stuff that doesn't really interest u ( u cant do that when u shop in groups) . watch 'watchmen'. well not my kind of movie.a bit too gory no wonder its M18. and its rather philosophical.. the kind not for cinema but more for watching at home for a few times on DVD.
exams are near. i can feel myself getting ready into the revision mood. but i cant just think/feel. i need to do in action too. shall start as soon as i get the aero report done. i promise.
school days are as usual. lecturers are boring me, tutorials are puzzling me and i am sick of food in ntu. looking forward to the 3 month break. i don't know what i will be doing then but well, anything beats looking at notes and doing homework for 10 straight weeks.
haven't been thinking/missing recently.
i guess it's creeping away.
and i am surprised i am actually glad :)
women can survive without love. :D
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