still awake at 2 am now. need to mug. i am trying to mug. and guess i am not the only one given so many ppl on msn...

feeling rather.. wrong. upset. uneasy. unsure. because of?

because my dear friend is very upset recently and i wasn't there for her cos i didn't know. now that i know yet i can't do anything. relationships are a complicated matter. sometimes only the person involved will really know how deep that wound is. and it will hurt i guess, no matter how outsiders try to say/comfort/advise. pls recover soon:)

because i am so desperately in search for that studious me but still it lingers for only a while before its gone soon. time is pushing and my mind is somewhere else. i can't focus! at some point in time, just feel like.. grrrr!

because of you. u suddenly pop up. from dunoe where. invaded my dreams. occupied my thoughts. yet i dun know anything about u. or about myself.

because i am really too heavy now. i am only half a step away from 60kg. it's not obvious to some bcos i am wearing baggy shirts... but thats exactly why i wear my huge cca tees 5 days a week. the bulging tummy is not the usual "slightly overweight" symptom. its really getting serious. if i were still in jc, i would have been in the taf club. i dun want to feel upset over my weight but i can't. everyday whenever i shower, i get this disgust at myself. whenever i sit down and have to adjust my t-shirt from the lump of fat at the tummy, i just feel so irritated. its overshadowing me. the inferiority i get from it is totally engulfing the pathetic bit of self-confidence i have in myself in the first place. the worse thing of all: i get stressed i eat and i get stressed again and i eat. a viscous cycle like an evil curse.

because i think i was being a bit too insenstive to a friend. and he is angry. i'm so sorry. :(

music doesn't calm me down. but at least it leaves me in a world of my own.