another day

another unproductive day i would say. missed him, so went over to his house.. end up doing very little work and spent most time watching movie and eating.. and before the end of the day he had to childishly irritate me. yea he apologises, it's really a childish little matter so i had no reason to remain angry for long. but well, still it sort of spoilt the day for me.

and happen to know that recently that unfortunate guy who died on the news was a good friend of my good friend. and she is, though a  very strong person, really quite upset. and it affects me too to a certain extent. i do realise that this year had been a really bad year, i lost a family friend whom i've greatly respected, been to quite a few funerals, and had many friends who were badly affected either by the deaths of their close friends or family members. and i mean many. i just took the elective psychology of crisis stress management, that talks about handling emotional issues from trauma/crisis. it's been really useful i would say.. but it's so conveniently timed that i happened to take this module this sem that makes me wonder.. maybe it's all fated.

there are many issues in life, we grow up and proceed to face them.. and these challenges just get more and more. i've yet to enter into working life, but have heard about the frustrations from my friends. and being in a relationship is another issue by itself. all the sweet happy stuff aside, this love is not just about two person. he gave me my xmas gift in advance today: another necklace. of course i liked it, regardless of how much it cost (it's swaroski crystal but was on groupon sale) and at least it's something i can use. but back home my mum commented what a useless gift, especially when he had already bought a necklace for me last time. no matter how irrelevant her comments were, it does still affect me, becos it doesn't feel good to know ur mum do not have a very good impression of ur bf. and this brings on another chain of thoughts, be it senseless worries or wild imagination, just making the night worse.

and then there's grad trip. supposed to be a wonderful thing. but issues of weird combination of friends, especially when u know u might end up going with someone you dont feel like going with but u have no choice. and what ur friends want to go/play/visit/do might not be aligned with yours and there's this dilema of enjoying yourself or giving in to people. and when i voice out this worries to mum, she'll suggest me not to go, since not much money then my blahblah friend also never go grad trip and started work to earn money right away and i shld learn from her blahblahblah..

and fyp really sucks. my prof is nice, but maybe too nice. he's not harsh on us and everything seems ok to him whatever i said. but that's the problem: every meeting he gives me new suggestions new clarifications new enlightenment and i get so disoriented and confused that until now, i still dont know what i'm supposed to do with my project. and the machine i need to use is spoilt and no one can tell me when it will be repaired. everyday i open the word doc, seriously want to finish my interim report, but i just end up typing nothing because.. i dont know how to.

life is so unpredictable and being still luckily alive, it is supposed to make everything else not matter that much.but you know you cant: we still get affected by the tiniest thing that upsets us, no matter how minor that setback/challenge might be.

and that's life.

ok it's just a bad end to the day.